Depth of the Injury

It is difficult to put into words to an event that alters the very core of your existence This trauma mechanism is very similar to an electrical and blast injury....minor wounds external with often fatal devastating damage internally

EVIL

Cold Mountain (Frazier 1997) and too, Inman guessed Swimmer's spells were right in saying a man's spirit could be torn apart and cease and yet his body keep on living. They could take death blows independently. He was himself a case in point perhaps not a rare one for his spirit it seemed had been burned out of him but he was yet walking. His spirit he feared had been blasted away so that away so that he had become lonesome and estranged from all around him as a sad old heron standing pointless watchin the mud flats of a pond lacking frogs. It seemed a poor swap to find that the only way one might keep from fearing death was to act numb and set apart as if dead already with much left of yourself but a hut of bones

Death of the Spirit

His soul was vacant. He had no impulse. He hung limp and lifeless in the void as if on a hook, as if all the fluids had been gored out of him While in this dangerous overwhelming position I would ache for a permanent solution, crave doing something about my pain I could see no bottom to this darkenss, I thought I would fall forever My feelings occur only in the present tense and its hard to imagine the future being anything but a permanent continuation of the present "Five People you meet in Heaven/Step back from the exit exerpts

Writings Page

Pain

Often I could not feel anything except the painful collapse of cells into some inner black hole. From within this collaps it requires tremendous energy to revers the momentum and it has little to do with murderous rage Outsiders cant understand, imaging the pain's density its sucking vacuum, its lethal force and so others respond with gestures akin to bandaging a compound fracture with a plastic strip Five people meet in heaven/ Step back from the exit

Implosion

There have been times when my mind has been so frozen in pain, I did not know how  much longer I could endure When would I think clearly again When could I see those choices obvious to everyone but me I thought if only I had a specific ending date, I could parcel out my meager resources to make it until then. Lesson Learned:  When the alternative seemed limited and the pain seemed unending, she offered me another choice "Lie on the ground and do nothing"

A Prayer for those that Suffer

Above quotes from: Step back from the Exit; Jamison K

Dear Jesus, I walk in the valley of darkness for I suffer from depression. I feel unloved, rejected useless to myself and others. I feel lost in a world I no longer understand. At times I want to sleep and never wake up again. Lord, I believe that your love is a transforming love. Jesus, have pity on  me, Out of the depths I cry to you Lord, Even though I feel nothing, I still parise you for the wonder of my being. You have formed me in my mother's womb and watched over me at this moment. I am precious in your eyes and you love me. On the cross you shed your blood for me. You have carved me in the palm of your hand. For all of this I give you thanks and praise. May your precious blood give new life to me and to all those who suffer as I do. Take each one of us and hug us to your saced and loving heart. Through your glorious wounds may we be healed. Dear Jesus when you fed the crowd in the desert.You wished to gather up the fragments lest anything be lost As I wander through a desert and darkness of my own. I ask you to gather up the fragments of this shattered being lest anything be lost. Through the prophet Joel, you promise to restore the years the locusts have eaten. I ask you, lay your hands gently on my weary head and restore me. Let your face shine upon me and give me back the Peace and Joy that have been lost         AMEN

Shattered

Shattered by the trauma, the soul continues to attempt repairs but one more attack and the loss will be permanent and complete

The psychological pain from the trauma and comorbid depression is like being sucked deep into a well with little hope of escape. From this perspective, suicide is sometimes their only hope of escape. Climbing out of the well seems impossible, the pain unending. Those that say "look at all the good in the world and stop thinking that way!" do not see that what is out of this well of despair is not in vision and incomprehensible. Grasping to the sides is difficult because they are in a constant state of motion.,the whirlwind of pain and confusion making decisions and actions near impossible. The light at the opening can be hope, their values, what they love and also the Lord always present even in the darkest times To survive one must place as many obstacles to suicide in front of that exit. To have a litany of reasons not to take that course, and then literally hang on for their life. From this view one can see how suicide risk increases when medications start working, they finally have the energy to climb and at least reach for their means to exit this abyss. Medications alone therefore will not help this person, they are necessary to stop the falling but it takes therapy as well

Next

A skilled therapist and those that care for the individual are the lifeline, the hope for those deep in the well of despair. Their presence and skill puts light into the well, opens up the possibility of escape and increases their will to survive. It is still necessary for the veteran to make the climb themselves.